#3 Sing Karaoke

Recap time, because it's important to make it known that I have not accomplished anything...yet.

#1 Quit Smoking

I keep telling myself "I'll wait until a day where I know there will be minimal stress."  That day has not arrived yet.  But also...it never will.  Jobs are stressful.  Families are stressful.  Driving a car can be stressful.  Everything can cause unnecessary stress if you let it, and cessation will make it that much easier to lose your shit over something usually mundane.

The hypnosis app is, I feel, legitimate.  I don't know if I "believe" in hypnosis or not, but it certainly does plant an subconscious thought that my brain tries to focus on instead of smoking.  Like most things, practice makes perfect (I hate that phrase because it's semantically terrible), and I'm supposed to listen to the "long" session weekly and the "booster" session daily.  I can do this.  I will do this.

#2 Run a 10K

I did the first stage of the couch-to-10k app a few days ago.  I was worried that sucking sub-freezing air into my lungs for 25 minutes would turn me into an ice cube, but I survived.  I felt the effects for days, but I know I'm not in shape.  I was prepared for that.  Now I just have to make it more of a routine.  And I need more running music.  I got some great suggestions from one person, but I need more quantity.

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#3 Sing Karaoke

First, let me just say...mission accomplished.  Maybe it's dishonest to list something that you already did as a goal, but it was on my list.  I promise.  

For most of my life, I've been a singer.  I was the weird little kid at church that sang loud and clear while dozens of adults around me mumbled or stayed silent.  I joined the parish's folk choir (through nepotism, since my mom was the director and most of my extended family performed in it).  I sang in school chorus groups from junior high school onwards.  I was (co)president of show choir in high school.  I've sang in musicals, in a garage band (talent-wise I was probably the weakest of the quartet...just being honest), and competitively in choir competitions around the county/region.

Now I just sing in the car.

It's a much smaller venue, although I'm sure the people in the cars around me enjoyed my attempts at stretching my vocal cords to their original abilities.

But one thing I have never done is sing karaoke, for a few reasons.

I'm not really a "bar" kind of person.  If grocery stores or Starbucks had karaoke, I would've sang regularly but, alas, no such luck.  The only time I'm at a bar is if someone else is with me and wants to go to a bar.  Okay, that's not entirely true, but out of the last three times I went out drinking on my own, I got hit on by other men twice.  Maybe I need to wear less pink.

Secondly, I'm shy.  It's a weird thing to be shy about, considering my long history of singing in public, but there was some level of comfort.  My audience was always partially composed of people I knew very well, people that have heard me sing dozens of times in the past.  Karaoke means maybe one or two people that have heard you sing, and then dozens to hundreds of drunk, belligerent people that my mind assumes are extremely critical about everything they hear at that moment.

Finally, I lack in confidence.  Smoking and years out of practice have limited my range, and my nightmare would be to pick a song that has notes too high for me to reach.

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Apparently there's an ideal situation in which I will sing karaoke.  I have to be someplace far from home, where I am certain that there are no hidden critics/friends among the bar crowd.

I require two pitchers of Blue Moon.

Every other male singer has to be mediocre or worse.

So my first karaoke song, ever, was James Taylor's "Fire and Rain".  Not exactly a crowd pleaser, but it was something I was certain I could sing, and something I knew the lyrics to by heart.

Later in the night I tripled my karaoke experience, singing "Piano Man" and "Sweet Caroline".  I may not have experience with karaoke, but I've seen enough of it that those two songs are mandatory tracks to hear at some point during the night.  

During "Piano Man" the DJ said "when it gets to the part about the bartender, her name is Nikki."  Nikki didn't look like a Nikki.  She looked like one of those ladies that would rather spend their Friday nights playing bingo.  I'm sure she had a cigarette in her mouth the entire time.  But I changed the verse to proclaim that Nikki is a friend of mine, and she gets me my drinks for free.  

I don't know if that's true, because I was drinking water by then.

#2: Run a 10K

First a recap of past goals:

#1: Quit Smoking:

I suck.  There, I said it.  Are you happy now?  My first foray into being a permanent non-smoker lasted approximately 10 hours.  After that I seem to make it through portions of days without cigarettes, but invariably cave in.  I keep telling myself that "tomorrow will be the day", but then tomorrow comes around and I have to make some excuse.  "Work is too hard" seems to be the go-to.

As I said in my first post, I'm not so idealistic to think that I could say that I would quit smoking, and then the next day my dream came true.  But I am going with a combination of the buddy system, lots of chewing gum, and probably a few extra hours of quiet weeping at night.  Oh yeah, and the gentle, soothing British voice of Max Kirsten coming out of my iPod.  I'll keep the four of you informed (and I think I'm greatly overstating my audience).

Now, onto the next one, because I see no reason to wait.

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I ran a 10K once.  It was the Fall Crawl, held annually in my hometown.  It was a completely spur-of-the-moment decision.  This was over a decade ago, so the details are a little fuzzy, but I know I signed up to do the walk, and then I saw a friend that was going to run, and I said "I'M GOING TO RUN, TOO HURRRRRR", and 30 seconds later the starting pistol went off.

To say I "ran" it is a bit of an exaggeration.  Like most southwest Pennsylvania towns, Irwin is 90% hills.  I jogged, I walked, occasionally I bent over and prayed that my legs would fall off.  I spotted my gym teacher on the side of the road around 6K, with a twisted ankle, and I spent far too much time talking to him as he lay there in agony.  "So...are we playing kickball on Monday?"  "If I had some ice I would give it to you, but I don't have any.  Sorry."

I finished it.  I can't recall what place it was, but I'm guessing it was approaching 4 digits.  The next morning I made it from my bed to the couch, where I spent the entire day.  I'm not even sure I went to the bathroom.  TMI?  I don't care.

For all intents and purposes, I will say that I never ran a 10K.  I will also say that my last attempt at long distance running took place in college.  As a pitcher you are required to have what my coach would call a "strong trunk", and that usually meant having legs built for endurance.  Every Saturday morning we would make the run from the practice field, around to the edge of campus, back towards the buildings, and then back to the field.  It was about four miles.

I ran it five times, and then I dropped out of that school (not because of the running).

That was 16 years ago.

So, why run now?

I think it is the easiest, most cost-effective method of aerobic exercise, and rare is the day where you can't squeeze in a run.  I don't say that it's "easy" because running is easy, but you don't have to learn how to throw a curveball or kick a field goal to do it.  I think running creates a level of zen, where you can let your mind roam free for a few minutes (or hours, if you're insane).  I think running is good for the mind, the body, and the soul.

How do I go from struggling up a flight of stairs to running 6 miles and 376.13 yards?  With an iPod app, of course.  And a new pair of running shoes.  And a kickass playlist (recommendations always welcome).

If any of you see me galloping along down at the high school track, please, try to laugh quietly.  Or laugh loudly, but in your car or something, with the windows up.  I'm sure it won't be a pretty sight...at least not at first.